Overstimulation and the Fear of Rejection

Grand rising, my jerkoffs!

I hope you guys are doing well. I am...alive at best. Actually, no, I retract that statement. I'm doing alright. However, per usual- I am VERY overstimulated at the moment. 

I have most definitely talked about this before, but when I say my mind runs a mile a minute, I was not fucking lying! 

Ideas flow left and right all throughout my mind. All day. It's amazing but quite literally exhausting. I have so much shit I want to do. But, you may ask: What's holding you back? It's simple: THE FEAR OF REJECTION!!!

Lately, I have been incredibly inspired by my photographer friends to dive into my own work. I miss editing. I never had a true knack for taking pictures, but I do see the beauty in things. Annnd I will stop there because I am now rambling. Getting back on topic- I've been inspired, and I want to do shoots of my own. ...Of myself, duh. 

In addition to that, I've always wanted to make short movies. Nothing crazy, but yes. I also want to get back into art. I want to draw again, but with a purpose. I have so, so, so many ideas, but besides being afraid of being rejected by the masses, I just can't find the time to execute said ideas. I also despise asking for help. The thought of collaborating with my friends sounds delightful, but no one ever seems to be able to make any time for me. Which- is fine, no big deal. I can do 90% of the things I want to do by myself. I just need help- again, executing my ideas. 

There's also this point: I do not want others to think that I am copying them, or that I am not as passionate as they are when it comes to art. Nigga I grew up making art! Let me relax, but still! That is so annoying, and I would hate to be talked about like that behind my back. Then again, I must realize that no matter what I do, someone is gonna hate. No matter what. I could fucking breathe, and they'd be upset. So again, what's holding me back?

My dear God. I need air. I feel like I'm suffocating myself with all of these thoughts, and for what? What is it doing for me other than aging me by 5 years every time I let my anxiety take over? 

I apologize if my thoughts are scrambled. I'm drinking coffee at the moment. I just want people to see my vision. To see what I see. To tell stories through art. To inspire. Maybe now is not my time, but I'm not sure. 

Love ya, 

ann