Question For The People #2

Which Career Paths Do You Think Are Oversaturated, And How Can We Overcome This?

https://form.typeform.com/to/iegkSZxR

Fashion & Art Description

As the title suggests, this is the Fashion & Art Page.

Here, I'll try to post some of my fashion takes, my outfits, and my art (broad term). 

That's literally it. 

Question For The People #1

 

Do You Believe That There Is a Loss of Community Amongst College Students?

*You can comment down below if you're lazy. 

https://form.typeform.com/to/jFaa7u92

Polls!!

Hi, yes, welcome to the polls page!

I love getting your guys' inputs on certain topics; therefore, I'm just going to make polls. 

I'll try my best to post them as often as questions come to mind. Some may be...strange or odd, so just ignore that and have fun with it!

I opened up the comments to everyone, so now you can just comment your opinions (instead of blowing up my DMs. jk, no text me plz).

love love love, ann

Junior Year Recap

 I can't seem to write about anything at all. You'd think that being home would give me more inspiration, but lo and behold, it has not. So, in the meantime, I guess I'll just revamp my junior year recap from my spam IG. 

Fall Semester

I don't think I can happily look back on anything that I have done this year. I transferred to a new school, thinking that I could finally start over, and I did indeed do that- but in the worst way possible.

I failed myself academically. My mental state was at an all-time low, as I was stuck on a situation that nearly took my life. In turn, I ended up not doing well in one of my classes, which tore me down even further. 

I was once an organized person, with the highest of grades, and overall well put together despite my perfectionist ways and the high expectations I constantly put onto myself. I became lazy, unorganized, someone who refuses to put in the effort, and someone who lets their mental health define themselves. This change devastated me. I blamed my past, present, and could no longer see (the point of) my future.

However, I managed to meet some great people and further develop other existing connections. I may not be friends with them all today, but I'm grateful for them coming into my life and teaching me lessons that needed to be learned.

I believe that my greatest accomplishment was getting involved with my friend's magazine. Getting involved with creatives (I may regret this now). It has always been my dream to meet people with the same creative passion as me, to collab on projects, etc., etc. I started drawing again because of this. I started dressing the way I actually wanted to. I finally felt like I was able to be myself, despite my lingering insecurities (which held me back from doing more...). Regardless of how I felt deep down, on the outside? I felt powerful. Like I was on top of the world. Yes, this semester wasn't as best as I'd hoped, but things were developing within me that I hadn't noticed before. 

This is also around the time I created this blog. I've always wanted to do this lol. I've always loved writing too, so this was perfect. Like I said in one of my posts, I was surprised at the amount of love I received from my friends and online mutuals. I have always been deathly afraid of sharing projects, my passions, so to have people accept what "I" had to contribute to the world made me feel... appreciated. And- I also inspired others to create their own as well. I've noticed that I've been an inspiration to many this school year. I'm glad.

Spring Semester

Once January hit, I thought I could really turn shit around. Oh, I turned shit around, alright, 360. Right back to square one. Maybe below? Square -10.

I walked home, drunk, alone, and upset about the dumbest thing, and fell and scratched my face. I was already insecure, but my face was my go-to. I felt like I had fucked up everything. I didn't want to be seen. So, this is when I started skipping class. However, a week later, I was still doing fantastic in said class(es). Then, the snow came. Those were an awful two weeks. I spent the majority of that time alone, and I was forced to think and reflect on my current connections, as well as myself and my past. I didn't like what I began to notice. I felt even more alone- more or so a burden that no one wanted to be around, only wanted to drink and party, to use me to network, for advice, or as their last resort. Even sex.

This realization really fucked things up. Maybe I was wrong, sure, but that's what I felt in that moment. I felt like the people I met when I transferred weren't truly my friends. Just wanted me on THEIR timing.

Around February, a lot of my connections began falling apart and getting into twists and turns. Then, once again, just as things were somewhat getting good for me, my mental tank once more. I felt insane. I think I almost took myself to the hospital because if I didn't, I would've taken my own life. I'm still here though LMAOOO.

I pushed myself a lot, believing that I had to put on a face, that I couldn't be vulnerable with anyone anymore. I felt as if I had to conceal my true emotions just so people would like me. I let slick conversations and actions slide just to have people around me. I also felt the need to involve myself in situations I had no business being in. I felt like I had to be the one to fix everything because that's what has always been expected of me. I let my ability to care so much about the things and people around me change aspects of myself that past me would instantly reject. Though I'll never change. That's one realization I came to. I will still care, I will still love. But I cannot keep putting others above myself, just so they'll give a fuck about me more. 

Throughout this semester, besides everything else, I became so insecure about my body. My looks too. I felt like nothing, never good enough for quite literally anything. In Feb, there would be days when I refused to look in the mirror. Later on, I'd look in the mirror just to find something wrong. Something I HAD to change. Not being asked to do shoots made everything worse. Don't pity me. I no longer care about that because all I'm doing is putting unnecessary stress on myself when it truly isn't that deep.

I was surprised to have even been able to do that shoot with my hg. That's a moment I'll never forget. It was so much fun, I'm going to miss her (she graduated, and I'm mourning her like I'll never see her again).

After that, I had never in my life been so stressed about my birthday. But it turned out to be a success. I'm so glad I got to spend that night with my friends. Thank you. 

But overall, I am still picking up the pieces. I'm still trying to change. I want to be better. And I'm always forever grateful for my friends and the ones who helped me through every hard moment I have been through this year. I know I'm a handful and a ticking time bomb, but thanks for putting up with me anyway. I feel like I'm repeating myself, but, idgaf. I love y'all, and I'll never stop annoyingly showing my love for you all. 

Being Embarrassed Will Save You

Random thought I had. 

I was lying in bed, recalling hard times...like I usually do. I'm grateful for my ability to be able to laugh at my tragic past; however, more recent things I cannot really...laugh at right now, despite how bad I truly want to. 

BUT! I can say this: embarrassment saved my life, and God, am I thankful! 

There was a time when I really wanted to go. I can't even process what I felt that night right now. You know what saved me, though? The thought of people laughing at me for killing myself over...while traumatic, the dumbest thing. Like, I could not fathom that. I got my ass up and went to bed after that. You can laugh, it's funny! 

I've had even more extreme times in the past, but again, that embarrassment saved me. 

Let that fear of being perceived a certain way prevent you from changing your life forever.