A Love Letter to My Friends…Somewhat

 Good afternoon.

I have thought of, typed, and erased this post multiple times. I am incredibly grateful for those who have came into my life this year and have supported me through hell and back. Thank you. 

But right now? I need to speak on how this was genuinely one of the worst years of my life. Normally I’d say, “Well, there were some good parts…” but if I said that now I’d be damn near lying. 

Every good thing that came to me was taken away in a heartbeat and I never understood why. Some things however, were lessons that I needed to learn despite not wanting to consider those situations as such. Others? Just my luck. 

I have put myself through countless awful relationships. I have lost good friends. I have lost hope, motivation, time, energy, you name it. But in all, I’m still here and I’m still trying. 

But I couldn’t have done it without those closest to me. Thank you, to those who have listened to me rant and rage over the same situation over and over again. Thank you, to those who have seen me scream and cry over things or people that did not deserve my time nor energy. Thank you, to those who have consistently uplifted me through my hardest times, my struggles with depression, and my struggles with insecurities. You’re the reason why I am here. 

Coming to college I never thought I’d come across people who’d actually want me around. Who’d actually care. Who’d reciprocate my love- despite my odd ways of showing it. But I did. And I am so grateful for those people. 

I pray, that I lose none of you. And if I do- it won’t be on bad terms (God forbid that happens but..). I hope that I get to grow old with a nice majority of you. I want to see you all thrive and I’m sure you’d want to see the same of me. 

Thank FUCK 2025 is over.  God bless 2026.

Dating In College: Effects of Social Media Pt.3

Good morning, guys. 

I was talking with a friend, and something clicked for me: Relationships don't work nowadays because everyone is so stuck on being confined in a box, i.e, a label. 

An example of this is people being in "talking stages". Sometimes I feel as if people are so focused on being in that stage to the point where they end up falling out. Yes, there are a plethora of reasons why two people can fall out during this time, but putting a time limit or a strict label on yourselves creates a sort of expectation that sometimes cannot always be achieved. This can cause an immense amount of stress- and as someone who has experienced this multiple times, it's not fun. At all. 

Clearly, this is an effect of social media consumption. Over consumption, even. 

I said this previously- sure that term could have existed in the past, but it does not hold the same amount of weight in modern times. 

I want people to understand that you are DATING. That's what it is, that's what it means. You are learning and going out with a person to (hopefully) get into a relationship with them. There are different forms of this, too. It's not as limiting as the term "talking stage" is. In my opinion, at least. 

Another point I want to bring up is that this issue seems to be mainly a concern within the black community. We are so focused on the next best thing, labels, comparing ourselves to our people, which we then question why it's so hard to date nowadays.

This can easily be fixed, though. Focus on yourself. Focus on what you have and not what the next person has. Don't be so quick to label yourselves because again, you're setting unattainable expectations on your relationship.  

You may not agree with me, and that is okay. However, this is a mindset that I want to have for myself to prevent unnecessary stress. Dating should be enjoyable, not unbearable. 

On a more personal note, I often discuss the stages of talking (and down on them) because this is what I tend to constantly find myself in. As time passes, I realize that small things like this prevent relationships from fully flourishing. Now, obviously, I and said people did not see eye to eye, but I digress.

I hope that this new year brings new, beautiful, and genuine relationships for both you and me. If that's what you want, of course. Be okay with what you have- especially if you are super into that person and see a future with them. Don't stress yourself out over limits that people have randomly come up with on the internet. Dating a person can last 2 weeks, a month, or even 3 or more, and that is okay. Your intent and how you approach the relationship are some of the most important aspects. 

Enjoy your holidayz, I'll see you next year. 

Baby's First (TRUE) Failure

 ....And I don't know how to feel about it. 

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Song I'm listening to as I'm typing this: Girl Like Me - PinkPantheress

I'm grateful that I'm finally done with exams and back at home. However, failing a class really sent me through a loop. I can't beat myself up too much, though. Shit happens. I have been extremely depressed this semester, so I'm not surprised. But HOLY SHIT...this is fucking embarrassing. 

Thing is, my family knows me as this straight-A student. Others know me as simply "smart". Now I feel like I'm disappointing everyone. Yes, again, shit happens, but I don't like the way it makes me feel. 

You can tell I struggle with handling failures. I try to act like shit doesn't faze me, but lord knows I'm freaking out under this sexy nonchalant face. 

I'm re-taking the class next semester. Same professor. So I already know what to expect. I'm just annoyed! 

I apologize for constantly repeating myself- it's like 4 am, and I'm running off little to no hours of sleep. 

Besides this, I talked with my therapist on Wednesday. We talked about why I've been in such a funk for months. Basically, I have the tendency to give people more credit than what they deserve. For giving me not even the bare minimum but rather the complete opposite. Something else she told me (not verbatim because I have a terrible memory) was that I need to get up. Pretty much take things day by day. Being told that (it was more obviously, and deeper, but you get the point lol) made me realize how badly I want to get back into my hobbies. I miss drawing. I miss working out. I miss getting on the game. Hell, I miss having a set schedule. 

She also told me that I usually come back stronger after breaks. That's something that I'm really looking forward to. 

I hope that the next post will be more positive. Things will be getting more intense, more creative, and more real. 

If you got this far, or even read this at all, I appreciate you. Thank you for tapping into my little dumb project. And remember, setbacks like this does not mean that you're a failure or that you're letting everyone down. 

No matter how low you get, the only way from there is up. 

seeeeee yaaaaa!