....And I don't know how to feel about it.
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Song I'm listening to as I'm typing this: Girl Like Me - PinkPantheress
I'm grateful that I'm finally done with exams and back at home. However, failing a class really sent me through a loop. I can't beat myself up too much, though. Shit happens. I have been extremely depressed this semester, so I'm not surprised. But HOLY SHIT...this is fucking embarrassing.
Thing is, my family knows me as this straight-A student. Others know me as simply "smart". Now I feel like I'm disappointing everyone. Yes, again, shit happens, but I don't like the way it makes me feel.
You can tell I struggle with handling failures. I try to act like shit doesn't faze me, but lord knows I'm freaking out under this sexy nonchalant face.
I'm re-taking the class next semester. Same professor. So I already know what to expect. I'm just annoyed!
I apologize for constantly repeating myself- it's like 4 am, and I'm running off little to no hours of sleep.
Besides this, I talked with my therapist on Wednesday. We talked about why I've been in such a funk for months. Basically, I have the tendency to give people more credit than what they deserve. For giving me not even the bare minimum but rather the complete opposite. Something else she told me (not verbatim because I have a terrible memory) was that I need to get up. Pretty much take things day by day. Being told that (it was more obviously, and deeper, but you get the point lol) made me realize how badly I want to get back into my hobbies. I miss drawing. I miss working out. I miss getting on the game. Hell, I miss having a set schedule.
She also told me that I usually come back stronger after breaks. That's something that I'm really looking forward to.
I hope that the next post will be more positive. Things will be getting more intense, more creative, and more real.
If you got this far, or even read this at all, I appreciate you. Thank you for tapping into my little dumb project. And remember, setbacks like this does not mean that you're a failure or that you're letting everyone down.
No matter how low you get, the only way from there is up.
seeeeee yaaaaa!
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