Burnout

Two posts in one day?? Look at me man! 

I'm just too lazy to write in my diary lmao.

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But seriously, I am burnt the fuck out. I'm starting to lose complete interest in my major. Especially because it's so hard to get a fucking internship. Hell, I'm starting to lose interest in everything. I don't even want to hang out with people. I'm lying. I'm just trying to get over the flu.

This shit sucks. I find myself sleeping most of my days away. I don't know how to cheer myself up. I'm too lazy to go on a fucking walk. Also, because it's cold. 

I think my main issue is that I'm stressing myself out over things I cannot control. People, my out-of-reach interests, some aspects of school... I'm just grateful that school is ending soon. But I still have to FUCKING STUDY!!! And take care of Lucki...he won't stop talking. Such a Scorpio.

God, I don't even want to finish typing this. I wanted to make this more formal, but I don't feel like it. I apologize. 

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Sometimes, I worry that transferring schools wasn't that great of an idea. I love my new school, truly. I just expected myself to change in such a short amount of time to where it's causing a mindfuck. 

I wanted to completely start over. Change every aspect of myself. But, that's not...it's not that easy. And that's something I can't get through my head. I need to relax. Change takes time. 

I have been slacking this semester. I'm so violently disappointed in myself- as someone who was once very organized and a straight-A student. My disappointments in myself are ultimately causing that burnout. A friend told me, shit happens. At least I am TRYING. She's right. 

I think I just solved my own problem, y'all. 

Man, I need a fucking break. 

Oh yeah. Started back smoking. Bummer!