Body Dysmorphia and The People's Response

This is going to be a tough topic today. 

This week's song is Bullshit by The Pharcyde.

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I feel as if no one takes body dysmorphia seriously- especially if they feel like you look great in their eyes. Or already have a set mindset on how someone should look. But what I want you to know is that it's not about YOUR opinion. Just listen and encourage those who show signs of struggle. 

I have been both fat and skinny. I have heard everything under the sun, from "You can't do xyz because you are fat" to "You need a meal!" And still, today, I am not happy with my looks. I don't think that I ever truly will. 

Sure, I have always had a nice shape despite my weight. But hearing rude comments about my body growing up has permanently altered how I feel about myself. Sometimes I think that just because I'm grown, I need to let go of the past and learn to be comfortable with myself. To an extent, this is true. I do need to be more comfortable with myself. But my age does not play a part in this. 

Recently, things have been...getting worse for me. My body has changed a bit since last year- even worse than freshman year. And I'm upset. I tend to look back at old photos of myself from then and end up ragebaiting myself into pure anger and misery. Sometimes, I even compare myself to people (especially those I'm really not supposed to be thinking about...)to make things worse.

I give subtle hints to my friends that I feel awful. And how do they respond? By shutting me down. I don't like that. Even when I point out other things I don't like about myself, their response to me- while kind, sounds like "Girl, shut up!!" 

That shit blows. I just want to be able to express my feelings without feeling like an idiot. Maybe I am. But my feelings are also valid. I have been through a lot. I'm still going through a lot. 

I refuse to go more in-depth about my body dysmorphia, because I have no idea who's reading this shit, and due to the simple fact, it's kind of none of your business. My point today is, just be mindful. Just try to understand. I, too, find myself doing the same thing I despise in people because they have my dream body. But I want to change that aspect of myself. And I expect my friends to do the same. Not for my sake, but for the sake of others who are experiencing similar feelings. 

Thank ya, love ya.